Case Sharing
Steve aged 40, married and not yet has any child. He met his wife when he was working in China. Later, they got married and his wife applied for the right of abode in the HKSAR.
Steve developed his drinking habit when he was young and he had been drinking for more than 20 years. He even joked that there was no difference between blood and alcohol. He used to drink with his colleagues and clients 3-4 times per week. He drank more than 20 cans of beer each time. He changed to consume red wine in these few years, 3 bottles per day. Although Steve has seldom attended social intercourse in recent years, he cannot change his habit of abusing alcohol. He always drank at home and claimed that he cannot sleep without alcohol.
Steve’s wife started to complain about his drinking problems after she resided in HK for a few months. Tension is mounting. Steve always gets drunk and pees in the living room or bedroom, sometimes even thrust his wife. In the past few months, they had poor relationship with each other. Steve said that he did increase the amount of alcohol to release pressure and help him to get into sleep. However, Steve started to discover that alcohol cannot help him to solve the problems he is facing with. In contrast, alcohol affected his health. Steve finally decided to seek help from our services.
Steve’s drinking problem already enmeshed with the couple relationship. He felt lots of pressure in his relationship. He chose to abuse alcohol and keep silence when his wife complained and blamed him. He thought that being silence can help to protect their marriage. He did not know that it made his wife felt not being respected and listened which turn out worsen their relationship and pushed each other away, finally led to a vicious cycle.
Steve and his wife always blamed each other when they attend counselling initially. They thought that it was not their responsibilities, but other side. Later, Steve started to understand his wife’s discomfort and suspicion. His wife also understands more about why Steve chooses to abuse alcohol and the difficulties that he is facing when cutting down the consumption of the alcohol. They both realized that abusing alcohol is not an effective way to tackle the relationship problems. They started to set up a treatment plan that both agree and willing to take action.
Steve’s story told us that caregivers play an important role when helping alcohol abusers to stop drinking. It is important not to only focus on the drinking problems and not to stay negative when dealing with the addict. It may only increase their guilty feeling and push them further into drinking. To care instead of blame, invite your partner to recall the past intimacy so as to attain the best outcomes.
